I’ve typed this over and over again and continued putting off posting it but it is HAPPENING this time.
So yes, it’s been nearly a month and a half now since I left New York City and moved back to Buffalo. After graduation I had about a month to get my life in order and I not so surprisingly wasn’t able to (that is a SHORT amount of time for an entire life!). When I first said the words “I can’t stay here” I sobbed. When I flew into the city for the last time and the flight attendant said “welcome home”, I cried. When I said goodbye to my friends and drove through the Lincoln Tunnel, I cried. This was a life I built and lived for four years that I had to say goodbye to.
But, sprinkled in the heartbreak, were moments when I didn’t cry. When I got on the subway for the last time, when I started packing my room, or when I accidentally cut someone off to get into the tunnel and subsequently got flipped off. There were moments when my emotions calmed down, and I started to see the reason behind what was happening; no matter how heartbreaking it was, the signs were clear it was time to go. After ripping off the very painful and dragged out bandaid, I saw it was for the best.
I was lucky enough to be able to take my time driving back to Buffalo, and stopped to visit my friend Erin for a few days. We hadn’t seen each other in almost two years, and even though our lives are so different from that last time, nothing had changed. We laughed about things from years ago and relived our Twilight glory days. Now we’re planning our next great adventure(s?).
I was also able to drive through Old Forge and stay the night on my way back, whichwas so nice in reseting my mental and emotional senses back to a normal human beings haha. I sat on a dock and watched the lake ripple, I climbed a hill and looked out at the lake, and drove through streets my 8 year old self gazed out of the car window at. It was surreal being there, after so many years, alone and starting a new phase in my life. It felt like a good place to start.
I don’t have a single clue where my life is going from here. I’m stuck between wanting to ride it out and see what the universe has for me, and the slap-of-reality reminder that I have a big ol’ pile of student loans running toward me.
We’ll see what happens, where I end up and what I end up doing there. Thank you for going on this college /NYC ride with me. I hope it’s not the end of my time with my beloved city but if it was, I’m so grateful for the experience I had there. Best 4 years of my life.