I’m just going to jump right into it; I am extremely proud of how much I’ve grown this school year. The fact that I am nearly done with my second year of college is insane and terrifying; didn’t I just find out I actually got INTO a college? I’ve been reminiscing a lot lately about my associate years of college and I’ve come to one very important realization: I am a completely different person than the one I was last year. Sure, I still wear the same jeans with a hole in the thigh I refuse to acknowledge and sweaters I’ve had for three years now, and I may also still look fourteen years old (even though I turned twenty last week) but damn, the character development I’ve gone through just in the past seven months is something I am extremely proud of.
Last year, I was angry at absolutely everything. If I was happy, I’d find something to bring my mood down. Everything I did I felt like I was wasting my time. I let my hatred for school and my temporary hatred for living in New York City fester for a solid ten months straight. This even boiled into my summer vacation, honestly all the way up until my drive back to school this past August. But, as I said in an earlier blogpost I made when I first came back, I made a promise to myself and to this city that I would try harder. And I knew from the moment I made that commitment, that I would get something out of it. And get this, I DID. A change in attitude has made this entire school year a MILLION times better than last.
I truly didn’t begin to realize how much I’ve changed until a few weeks ago, when I was feeling a little stressed out from all the work I had to do (and wasn’t doing). I was getting this really tight feeling in my chest that wouldn’t go away, and my breath was really short. I sat there, staring at my workload and having this feeling take over my body and I remembered; this tightness in my chest is how I felt every day last year. I woke up stressed, angry and upset, and went to bed the same way. HOW I SURVIVED, I HONESTLY CAN’T TELL YOU.
I’m not saying I’m the happiest person in the world, that nothing brings me down and the sun shines all the time, because it doesn’t. But I now have figured out how to let the negative happenings roll off my shoulders rather than pile up and drown me. Another aspect that’s helped so much and I’m so thankful for are my friends. If I hadn’t met my main group of laddies last year, I really don’t know if I would have come back for a second year. But these people are real important to me and I’m grateful for all the memories we’ve been making these two years and look forward to the next two. (Because remember when I said I may not come back for my bachelors? That was a pretty stupid thing to think wasn’t it…)